Oh- o_o -my
So what the hell was all that about? It looks like a teaser trailer for a crappy 300 styled straight-to-DVD movie. Join the fundamental restoration of America? How? What's happening?
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| Somebody gonna get their ass kicked? |
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| Embarrassing performance art ¬_¬ |
Even Piper was able to grasp the significance of being in the presence of our first President - who had such diverse interests - when she told me later "how hard he must have worked to keep that farm going!" And then she added, "And can you believe he was a commercial fisherman, from DC?!"Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? This is the "fundamental restoration of America"? Blogging boring, unfunny anecdotes about how much it must have sucked to live in the 18th century from the POV of a wide eyed 21st century child is the master plan? ¬_¬ forever.
And I'm pretty sure that all that "hard work" is why George Washington had slaves, Piper. Even a dumb wittle puppy like you should be able to grasp that.
But enough about the bus tour/vacation nonsense for now. I'll give more of my oh-so-important thoughts on that later.
This is how you properly blog vacations
Prologue- Bachelor party in Atlantic City
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| This is what 217 singles looks like |
Driving-
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| I pulled the short straw, so I got "sit in the trunk" duty. |
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| A building! |
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| Another building! We're almost there. |
Hotel Resort & Casino-
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| It was too early to check into our room, so we went here instead. |
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| All the dealers were either elderly men, or a member of an ethnic minority |
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| College girls softball games. Who's betting on college softball? |
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| Advertising! |
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| Ads made of polluted NJ sand are my new favorite thing. |
***
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| Hotel room break |
Objectifying
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| Lunch time. |
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| Should I feel bad about this? |
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| Because I don't. |
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| Things got kind of creepy when I noticed a group of waitresses rubbing this kid's (I'm going to assume that his mom works here) head and shoulders. It was also around this time that I noticed another waitress carrying a 5 year old girl (I'm going to assume that it was her daughter) who was also wearing one of the Hooters tank tops. Time to go. |
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| All the old and minority dealers were replaced with pretty looking white girls when the sun went down. There's racism and ageism at Harrah's. |
Objectifying
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| This is what the inside of a limo looks like. |
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| This is what the outside of a limo looks like when it's parked outside a liquor store in the ghetto. |
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| Welcome to whoreville |
Whore- So where are you from, Baby?
Me- Englishtown :\
Whore- What do you guys do up in Englishtown?
Me- Stuff....?
Whore- Let me show you what we do around here. Smack my ass.
And there is no sex sex in the champagne. Even after they say things like this there is no follow up. Not necessarily a bad thing.
Whore- I'm so horney. I haevn't had sex in three months.
Me- Uh huh...
Whore- I just want to whip out your **** out and go crazy.
Me- >_>
There was also plenty of awkward chit-chat
Whore- I just want to bite and eat you up
Me- Uh huh
Whore- But not really bite, I just mean I want to nibble on your ear a little bit.
Me- Cool....
And if you don't want a stripper to reach up your leg and give you a (one to be exact) tug, you should definaitly stay away from the jorts. Wear long pants.
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| Entertaining performance art |
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| Not all single mothers can dance with the "stars" |
And I would strongly recommend never touching paper money with your bare hands again. One of the girls named "Blaze" has a move where she tucks a dollar in your fly and then repeatedly rams her ass down on it before finally picking it up in between her sweaty ass cheeks.
I left feeling a weird mixture of disgust and frustration. Don't go to strip clubs, kids.
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| The view atop a parking garage. |
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| This is an airplane not advertising Sarah Palin's bus tour. Missed opportunity if you ask me. |
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| God Bless Smelly New Jersey |
Epilogue- I lost a lot of money
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| 153 singles and a 10 |
