mercede johnston blog

Showing posts with label Skags. Show all posts

How Can I Get God Back On My Side?

Real Talk- I prefer limes over lemons

The Alaska-raised author writes about how she lost her virginity, how she hid her pregnancy during the McCain-Palin campaign, how she says Johnston cheated on her, and on the "catty" behavior of some of her fellow "DWTS" contestants.

"I've grown up a lot. I'm 20 years old now," Palin said in a phone interview.

[...]

“I think we have some of the thickest skin,” 20-year-old Palin said of her family during an interview with the Arizona Republic. “We’re really tough, and what people say negatively about us, it’s like, ‘OK, whatever, they are entitled to their own opinion.’ But at the end of the day, we’re a close-knit family, and we have God on our side.”

"The biggest misconception about my mom that really irritates me is that she's dumb," the former politician's daughter said. "She's so smart, and if anyone had a conversation with her they'd realize that . ellipsis . she's a whiz."

[...]

"We still had to work, we had to do our own chores and wash our own dishes and all that kind of stuff that normal kids do. I feel like Meghan McCain was brought up in a different way."

"I've grown up a lot. I'm 20 years old now," Palin said in a phone interview.

[...]

“I just wanted to note that we come from two completely different worlds,” Bristol said during last week’s Fox appearance.” Her dad’s a politician and my mom’s a politician, but that never defined me. We don’t talk, we’re not friends, nothing like that. I’ve had a job since I was really little and, um, I don’t know if she does stuff like that.”

"I've grown up a lot. I'm 20 years old now," Palin said in a phone interview. "Death is fucking me insane."

This Should Keep Your Mind Busy

Fun Fact: One of the most common terms used in the C4P comment threads is "our Sarah".

These videos make me think of Rachelle Friberg and Adrienne Ross for some reason.

Now let's all head up on to Alaska to hang out with Sarah's friends and family, (LOL we can even canoe past her house LOL) because that's not weird at all!

Now it's time for an update

Happy Birthday, Teenage Girl! How do I know it's your birthday? After reading your mom's book, I went and marked the date on my calendar so I wouldn't forget. ^_^ My friends did the same thing.

"I get the sense that many of the “objective political analysts” on this list will face no punishment if/when their assessment on Governor Palin is proven wrong" <_<

They actually won't have any explaining to do "if/when Governor Palin runs" seeing as how they were voicing their opinions. Making lists of people who have wronged you is so sociopathic serial killer-y. Fun game- count the people on that list who used to be on their good side and super duper awesome until they dared say "our" Sarah might not or will not run.

New Post About Old Shit That Is New To Me

-400 Character Judgment

Before My SBSP Appreciation Day

But Mr Paoletti, who works for Refrigeration Unlimited revealed on his online profile that he is a fan of the homophobic 'Twilight is gay' page.

His conversations with other users discuss whether or not he would have sex with a girl who was '250 and has down sindrome [sic].'

They also refer to people as 'n****' and even ridicule Sarah Palin's reality show, calling it 'Idiot's of Alaska [sic]'.

Mr Paoletti has since edited his page to remove the offensive content, but not before screenshots were published online.

Miss Palin, who lives in Arizona with her two-year-old son, Tripp, from a previous relationship with Levi Johnston, went public with her new relationship last month.

In an interview with E! she said: 'He's awesome with Tripp and we've been really good friends for a long time, and he's just a really good guy.

'He's a good guy. He's a family guy. He's a Christian. We have all the same religious beliefs and our families both come first in our lives, and we just have a lot in common…He loves Tripp and he's just awesome to be around.'

She called her parents 'super-supportive, and said they were also fond of her new beau.

'They like him a lot,' she said.

But she added that she was in no rush to get married or have more children.

'I'm taking it really slow. I don't want another relationship that's out in the public eye like mine and Levi's was,' she explained. (So you go on TV to talk about it? I don't think that's the common sense conservative thing to do.)

lolniggers

lolhavingsexwithlargedisabledwomen

If Jack Stuef pretends to find Jesus and gets a manual labor job in Alaska he might have a chance at Bristol's ass.

My Vacationing & Blogging Skills Are Superior To Sarah Palins

Let's get started with this wonderful video about something-

Oh- o_o -my

So what the hell was all that about? It looks like a teaser trailer for a crappy 300 styled straight-to-DVD movie. Join the fundamental restoration of America? How? What's happening?

Somebody gonna get their ass kicked?

And then

Embarrassing performance art ¬_¬

Oh. So she basically put out a trailer announcing that her family was going on a vacation so her groupies would know to follow her. She's also blogging her fun filled family experience. I think she stole that idea from Britta Spain.

Even Piper was able to grasp the significance of being in the presence of our first President - who had such diverse interests - when she told me later "how hard he must have worked to keep that farm going!" And then she added, "And can you believe he was a commercial fisherman, from DC?!"

Are you kidding me? Is this a joke? This is the "fundamental restoration of America"? Blogging boring, unfunny anecdotes about how much it must have sucked to live in the 18th century from the POV of a wide eyed 21st century child is the master plan? ¬_¬ forever.

And I'm pretty sure that all that "hard work" is why George Washington had slaves, Piper. Even a dumb wittle puppy like you should be able to grasp that.

But enough about the bus tour/vacation nonsense for now. I'll give more of my oh-so-important thoughts on that later.

This is how you properly blog vacations

Prologue- Bachelor party in Atlantic City

This is what 217 singles looks like

Driving-

I pulled the short straw, so I got "sit in the trunk" duty.

A building!

Another building! We're almost there.

Hotel Resort & Casino-

It was too early to check into our room, so we went here instead.

All the dealers were either elderly men, or a member of an ethnic minority

College girls softball games. Who's betting on college softball?

Advertising!

Ads made of polluted NJ sand are my new favorite thing.

***

Hotel room break

***

Objectifying ~~Skanks~~ Women-

Lunch time.

Should I feel bad about this?

Because I don't.


Things got kind of creepy when I noticed a group of waitresses rubbing this kid's (I'm going to assume that his mom works here) head and shoulders. It was also around this time that I noticed another waitress carrying a 5 year old girl (I'm going to assume that it was her daughter) who was also wearing one of the Hooters tank tops. Time to go.

All the old and minority dealers were replaced with pretty looking white girls when the sun went down. There's racism and ageism at Harrah's.

Objectifying ~~Whores~~ Whores-

This is what the inside of a limo looks like.

This is what the outside of a limo looks like when it's parked outside a liquor store in the ghetto.

Welcome to whoreville

I was unfortunate enough to pay the chatty stripper to give me a lap dance.

Whore- So where are you from, Baby?

Me- Englishtown :\

Whore- What do you guys do up in Englishtown?

Me- Stuff....?

Whore- Let me show you what we do around here. Smack my ass.

And there is no sex sex in the champagne. Even after they say things like this there is no follow up. Not necessarily a bad thing.

Whore- I'm so horney. I haevn't had sex in three months.

Me- Uh huh...

Whore- I just want to whip out your **** out and go crazy.

Me- >_>

There was also plenty of awkward chit-chat

Whore- I just want to bite and eat you up

Me- Uh huh

Whore- But not really bite, I just mean I want to nibble on your ear a little bit.

Me- Cool....

And if you don't want a stripper to reach up your leg and give you a (one to be exact) tug, you should definaitly stay away from the jorts. Wear long pants.

Entertaining performance art

Not as terrifying story- A couple of minutes after sitting down (the chairs had wheels on them) a black stripper caught me by suspire by jumping off the stage on to my lap. We slid back something like 10 feet before the back of the chair crashed into some sad looking Indian computer technician guy. The stripper was forcibly motorboating my face the whole ride back. And since I didn't give her any money before or after, I think I was technically face raped. :| :'(

Not all single mothers can dance with the "stars"

And I would strongly recommend never touching paper money with your bare hands again. One of the girls named "Blaze" has a move where she tucks a dollar in your fly and then repeatedly rams her ass down on it before finally picking it up in between her sweaty ass cheeks.

I left feeling a weird mixture of disgust and frustration. Don't go to strip clubs, kids.

Leaving-

The view atop a parking garage.

This is an airplane not advertising Sarah Palin's bus tour. Missed opportunity if you ask me.

God Bless Smelly New Jersey

Epilogue- I lost a lot of money

153 singles and a 10

What you're not seeing is the stack of larger bills totaling 350 dollars. The only thing left of that is the 10. The fact that I didn't lose it all is a moral victory. Ronald Reagan and Sarah Palin taught me to look on the brighter side of life. ^_^

Bristol Palin Is A Beautiful And Intelligent Young Woman

Not really

This ~~bad~~ joke is getting old

I Just Want To Say That Roland Martin Is An Asshole

First off, I just want to say that I think this whole controversy is a stupid waste of time. Nobody is going to change their opinion of Obama because of the people his obese wife invites to her poetry club. Richard Trumka's visits to the WH are 1,000x more important than some unknown douche bag.

I would like to say, however, that Roland Martin is a hypocritical ass slug. If President Haley Barbour's wife invited some redneck country singer over to her WH tea parties after he wrote a song about setting Obama on fire and spoke out against mixed relationships, Roland's fat ass wouldn't be LOLing

http://twitter.com/#!/rolandsmartin/status/67999525264031744

http://twitter.com/#!/rolandsmartin/status/67999866395172864

You're right, Roland, he's not "quite controversial", he's just your average, everyday, common racist.

COMMON: I don’t think there’s anything the matter with somebody loving somebody from another race but it’s almost like a stereotype that if you’ve got dreadlocks you go out with a white girl. just feel like, as black men, we do have to be aware that, yo, every time we step out with some woman it’s setting an example for our daughters and it’s also representing something for our mothers. If you can’t really love your own, how can you really love others?

TOUCH: So you don’t agree with mixed race relationships?

COMMON: I disagree with them (Just like Strom!). It’s a lack of self-love. It’s a problem.

TOUCH: Have you ever dated outside your race?

COMMON: Nah, not dated [giggles](Just like Strom!).

TOUCH: Have you slept with anybody outside your race?

COMMON: Yeah, I definitely have(Just Like Strom!).

Who know who shares that view? James Strom Thurmand aka everyone's favorite segregationist.

Wow, what an asshole. But wait- what's this?

Six months after Thurmond's death, Essie Mae Washington-Williams, an African American, publicly revealed that she was Strom Thurmond's daughter. She was born to Carrie "Tunch" Butler (1909–1948), a maid who had worked for Thurmond's parents, on October 12, 1925, when Butler was sixteen years old and Thurmond twenty-two.

Lonnie Rashid <3 James Strom

This, too- http://patterico.com/2011/05/11/white-house-guest-%E2%80%9Ccommon%E2%80%9D-believes-obama-shouldn%E2%80%99t-have-been-born/

Levi Johnston's Coming Out Party?

What is that brown shit on the bottom supposed to be?

Because there's nothing gay about ~~his purrrrrty little mouth~~ this-

Someone needs to tell Mr. Wannabe Cholo that he's not from the barrio and that it might be a good idea to ease up on the chapstick.

For a full on blast of "Dude, you're trying too hard/Just accept it, you were born this way"

I Finally Got It All Figured Out

Whaaaaaaat did you do?

She's more Brystal than Bristol. And Brystal is more Snooki than human. And that's sad, annoying, and worst of all it gives me stomach cramps. The other things that bug me are that she's not really a good role model for anyone and she still seems to be chasing that Hollywood dream even though she has no talent.

Short

She's only really a good "role model" in the sense that outside of one (not killing her baby) decision, little girls should do the exact opposite of every choice Brystal has made since she hit puberty.

"So yeah, like, don't get an abortion because it's the ultimate act of selfishness and greed, but also don't do anything else I've done because I've somehow managed to turn a great opportunity into a truck load of awkward failure."

Also spending your money on self-inflicted facial mutilation isn't such a good message for the kiddies. or your little sisters, you fucking asshole.

Bleck

More annoying TV shit with a fat/failed Disney creation, eh? You know, being a "good person" isn't a substitute for talent.

Annoying person: But what about DWTS, you asshole! She came in third place!

What about DWTS? Like politics DWTS isn't merit based. If it was, Brystal would have been one the the first people eliminated. It is, however, all about telling a story that the masses will eat up (just like politics). Brystal's story was "You fuckers like my mom, so vote for me". People apparently enjoyed that story since she lasted so long, but not as much as that other lady's "Baw, I was in a movie about dancing with a guy that died of cancer last week, so you better vote for me" sob story.

She also greatly benefited for being the obvious target of the "Vote for the worst" people.

Heartstrings > You guys like my mum, right?

Hope&Change > I got my ass kicked in Vietnam

She can't sing, dance or act, and her apple shaped body is awkward to look at. She desperately needs to go get a real job.

Aw. At least she tries her best :\

If your going to do dumb Disney shit at least do it with someone that people actually know and like. And that one comes with the added bonus of knowing how to have a good time.

PS-

Please fall into a hole. I really don't like you.

Half of the shit your mother has to deal with can be directly traced back to your stupid ass, and I think you know that which is why you keep trying to do all this shit to make up for it, but what you don't realize is that you suck and with each attempt to make it better, you actually make it worse.

Honestly-