 |
| It |
 |
| Hurts |
 |
| You |
=
Showing posts with label Gif. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gif. Show all posts
From The Comments
I attract societies elite.
Anonymous said...
This site is foul. Not just for its raunchy sex discussion, but anyone who would publish messages sent to them privately is as lows as a... jeez, I don't know what...a semen filled slophole, perhaps?
Will you please SHUT THE FUCK UP, BanditBasheert? Seriously, you dehydrated, sun-damaged cuntrag, do you have ANY idea how universally loathed you are? Why are you ALWAYS so Goddamn contrary? Please go back to torturing your husband's beleaguered children and leave the rest of us alone; woe to have had you as a wicked step-mother.
Anonymous said...
The rancid cunt Toki deleted my post asking about the sloppy cunt RAM, a www , u two licking each others shit hole again!
June 22, 2011 7:10 PM
"I hate them."
She's Super Serious!
Fuck you, Ed Rollins-
Oh, yeah? Then please explain this-
“Sarah has not been serious over the last couple of years,” Rollins told Brian Kilmeade on his radio show, Kilmeade and friends. “She got the Vice Presidential thing handed to her, she didn’t go to work in the sense of trying to gain more substance, she gave up her governorship.”
Oh, yeah? Then please explain this-
 |
| Aw, shit... |
News, Newz, And A .Gif
Shut up
 |
| It's MS-Paint. You try. |
***
The Melodramatic And Often Defeated
NYPost-The two-hour Palin movie, which writer-director Stephen Bannon plans to show in Iowa in a “Field of Dreams”-style cornfield, is getting a lot of attention as the former Alaska governor tours the East Coast.
[...]
This would-be “Fairbanks 9/11” certainly blazes with passion — hosannas of awe for Palin, brimstone of scorn for her detractors (especially Matt Damon, standup comics and anonymous commenters who say mean things on blogs).
But its tone is an excruciating combination of bombast and whining, it’s so outlandishly partisan that it makes Richard Nixon look like Abraham Lincoln and its febrile rush of images — not excluding earthquakes, car wrecks, volcanic eruption and attacking Rottweilers — reminded me of the brainwash movie Alex is forced to sit through in “A Clockwork Orange.” Except no one came along to refresh my pupils with eyedrops.
[...]
If you’re hopeful (or worried) that this movie is the secret trigger for a Palin relaunch, don’t be. Even if you fixed the blaring soundtrack and took out all the symbols of the cataclysmic evil opposing Palin (barking dogs, disaster footage, a closeup of Rosie O’Donnell), you’d still be left with a hopeless sputtering jumble.So the general consensus seems to be that the documentary film's powerful message (Sarah Palin was super cool 4 1/2 years ago) gets bogged down by its own awful, disjointed presentation. Your ears are bombarded with annoying audio while your eyes are simultaneously subjected to a mishmash of ridiculous images. <_< Hmmm, I actually think that's the best way to describe Sarah Palin's life since she resigned from office. Are we sure Mr. Bannon isn't trolloling her?
I don't quite understand the title either. Sarah has been defeated a bunch of times. She lost the Vice Presidency to Joe F'N Biden. Being driven out of the Governor's office by Linda Kellen Biegel and the chickpea lady also earns you a tally in the loss column. Then there's that whole Joe Miller for Senate fiasco... dotdotellipsis
But it did make Dan Riehl cry so it can't be all bad. :)
***
Doppelganger
 |
| I don't see the resemblance. The only feature that they share is under-chin fat. |
Danger!
Aussie News Paper-
She may first seek advice from another unconventional female politician, Margaret Thatcher. "I am going to Sudan in July and hope to stop in England on the way," she said. "I am just hoping Mrs Thatcher is well enough to see me as I so admire her."CNN-
Three Bulgarian airmen kidnapped in Sudan nearly five months ago have been freed, and appear to be in good health, the United Nations World Food Programme said in a news release Monday.Telegraphing your visit to the rape capital of the world a month in advance might not be the best idea. If the armed natives could overpower three trained airmen, I think they could make easy work of Franklin Graham's prayer warriors. I'm sure a high profile celebrity would fetch a mighty fine ransom- certainly more than three Bulgarians. And just like the Somali pirates, the scumbags that make up the majority of Sudan's populace have anything to lose. Hopefully she can hire some freelance Israeli security to keep the camel riding wannabe-Arab rape patrol at bay.
Don't be a fool like Lara Logan. Sudan isn't a fucking Disney Land vacation. Leave the kiddies at home.
Cool Story
 |
| That's stupid. How is "learning" the garbled history of Paul Revere going to get my uncle off welfare? |
I’m publicizing Americana and our foundation and how important is it we learn about our past and our challenges and victories throughout American history so that we can successfully proceed forward very heady days, rough waters ahead of us, Chris.
 |
| She's being goofy again. |
Rebecca Mansour’s “Private” Messages: The Inside Story
Updated with updates- See if you can find them all, kids!
Part 1- Ingrown Cunt Hairs
Let's start with the lady that named herself after male genitalia-
So apparently both of these wonderful human beings suffer from poor reading comprehension. In my emails with BS Mith of Politico, I repeatedly tell him that he can only see la DM tweets if he pinky promises not to share them with the public. And just for the Internet record, I didn't send him the tweets. He did update his original post to include my awesome statement though, so three cheers for BS Mith of Politico.
Now let us examine some very un-judeo-christian like behavior-
Short of tracking me down and caving in my skull with an actual hammer, I fail to see what Rebecca can do to me. I'm a twenty-one year old epileptic community college student living in New Jersey. I literally have nothing to take. I find this thirst for revenge to be quite creepy and off putting. And I'm willing to bet that Rebecca shares my feelings. Why? Because unlike me (I never even made my confirmation), she's a good and honest member of the Catholic Church. Remember what her father said after he was shot by junkies? Forgive them. She probably just wants to put this whole episode behind her and get on with her life.
But what the fuck- I'll be staying at Harrah's Hotel Resort and Casino in Atlantic City this Saturday if anybody wants to take a shot at me. ;-)
Moving on-
This was originally some chatter about what happened to a C4P post by Erruhuhpuffda and the Limey. A post that I never got around to reading :'(
Good thing Jesus came to me in a dream and showed me how to use Google.
Part 2- This is Google's cache
Editors Note: Kelsey andSheya were involved with this story from its inception a year ago. Below are their accounts on what they know, how they handled it and what went down behind the scenes.
[No? There wasn't any "inception" a year ago. I don't know how many fucking times I have to say it, but I guess once more can't hurt- I was trolling whores on the Internet for fun. That's what I do when I'm bored. Some people choose to obsessively archive every picture ever taken of Sarah Palin, I choose to troll whores for giggles. I've noticed that "professional" political whores are the most fun because they take everything so gOd damn seriously. Did all you fuckers reading this right now miss the numerous pics/gifs of Spongebob Squarepants?]
Kelsey:
So, you might have heard that the Daily Caller decided to turn itself into TMZ and published private direct twitter messages from Palin aide Rebecca Mansour. We’ve known this was coming for some time.
Rebecca knew Toki in passing before she ever went to work for Governor Palin. Toki used to blog with Joey Russo before C4P even got started. (Actually, Toki claims Russo only posted once; it was mostly Toki’s website.) Contrary to what some gutter sites are saying, Toki was not a C4P contributor. He used to comment on the website when it first got started, but hasn’t been around much for the past couple of years.
Months ago I was tipped off that Toki had posted a teaser post on his blog with some of the tweets screencapped and lines blacked out. I took it to the C4P editors who asked me to find out what the guy was up to. Toki sent me tips from time to time about the Palin-haters latest scumbaggeries, so I had contact with him. I asked him what was up.
He told me that he was out to get a “vanity post.” He said he wasn’t selling the tweets; he wanted someone to make him an offer so he could post the offer on his blog. Didn’t make much sense to me, but he took down his teaser post and we figured it was a done deal, at least for the time being. The email he sent to Politico he also forwarded to me at the time and I believe that at the time it still fell under the “vanity post” motivation umbrella. He e-mailed several sites about it. We even tested him on the money part. Sheya offered him money for the messages and he turned it down.
Months after this initial episode, the Daily Caller was brought into it. Toki claims that he did not sell the tweets; he gave them to the DC because they were one of the less scummy sites. At least that’s what he said. His reason for finally just giving them away was probably because of Bristol’s latest reality show. If you read his site you’ll notice that he has a major problem with Bristol being in the spotlight. It’s become somewhat of an obsession and his motivation in releasing those tweets was to embarrass Bristol. He even told me that whatever would happen to Rebecca was just collateral damage.
Days passed and the DC didn’t publish the piece. We started to think they were going to cling to a shred of credibility by not acting like an immature gossip site. Guess not.
Jonathan Strong claims he published the piece because people want to know how Governor Palin works. Excuse me, these direct messages were not from Sarah Palin. They were the opinions of one of Palin’s aides trying to calm down someone who was freaking out [If by "freaking out" you mean "was so repulsed he felt like vomiting," then yeah, I was freaking out] because Bristol and Levi got back together. They were Rebecca’s opinions, it was a long time ago and a lot has happened since.
Rebecca approached the Governor before this story was published and told her everything. From the information we have, Governor Palin was understanding and forgiving [How sad for Sarah. If that really is the case then either Sarah's kindness is a weakness that will lead her to repeated ass fuckings back stabbings, or she really is the drooling incompetent that the meanie cable news anchors portrayed her as.] Obviously, the Governor herself knows what it’s like to be betrayed; for private communications to be published just so someone can make a quick buck or get some attention. In RAM’s case it was a lesson learned.
Sheya: [Sheya is a boring, anti-fun ass who doesn't now what she's talking about.]
While I don’t condone lying, I do know why Rebecca’s initial instinct was to deny it. Let’s face it, we all send private emails and DM’s to friends we trust that we would not say publicly. Toki was a friend of hers; he was around C4P from the start and she built up a relationship with him. Toki was a Palin supporter, and we think he still is. He is just obsessed with the Palin kids. Rebecca tried to calm him down and by doing so the conversation went a little long. She trusted him the same way we trust our acquaintances; the only difference is that our friends don’t leak it to some gossip website, Rebecca’s did. What she did wrong was denying it, but even that is understandable when out of the blue you receive a phone call from a reporter asking you questions about a private conversation you had with a friend that could ultimately cost you your job, especially when you have not seen those tweets for over a year.
Also, when you send someone a direct twitter message, you don’t get an email of the message you sent and the messages were long gone from the twitter account itself. This all happened a long time ago, so Rebecca couldn’t say with any degree of certainty what was fake and what wasn’t. We know this because Rebecca emailed us and asked us if we had copies because she didn’t remember. When Rebecca had the chance to review it she corrected her statement to the Daily Caller.
I have seen all the tweets, even those not published, I am also in possession of the tweets Toki sent to Rebecca. Many of the now published tweets are taken way out of context. We are currently considering publishing them, or maybe the gossip site Daily Caller will offer me some gold coins and I’ll consider handing them over (Sorry, just lunch wont work). [Update: Just to clarify, publishing the tweets or offering them to the Daily Caller was a joke.]
As for the journalistc ethics by the Daily Caller, other blogs have already covered that. You can read those at HotAir, The OtherMcCain, Riehl World View here and here, Red State, Ace , more from Ace here. Doug has more here
Update: As C4p does not link to gossip sites, we have now removed the Daily Caller from our blogroll. [You do it all the time. Here's just one example- Boop]
---
Whatever. I'll just be the dick that sits in the back and says "I told ya' so" when Sarah wastes an ungodly amount of money on a failed presidential run. And when Brystal releases a sex tape. And when Piper develops a debilitating drug problem because of stupid shit like this. She's not seven years old anymore, assholes. She's going to be a teenager soon. If you insist on bringing her up in your weird wesbian wove twatter posts, please try to not treat her like a cwte wittle dumb puppy.
Random thought- If you have to make people sit though a two hour documentary film (don't call it areality show movie) about how awesome you were 4 1/2 years ago just so they'll think about maybe voting for you........ellipsis........... maybe you shouldn't be running for President of the United States. Seems like it would just be a big waste of time and resources. :\
Random Positive Outlook- Maybe after the documentary film was screened for her, Sarah had an epiphany and realized what a horrible dick she's been since resigning. Maybe she'll go back to the old Sarah. The one that didn't spout oversimplified rhetoric and dumb, repetitive catchphrases. Maybe everything is going to be better now!
Random Episode Of Reality Crashing In- Probably not :'(
Part 3- ¬_¬
Part 4- A few of my favorite immature gossip sites
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Bristol Palin: How Levi Johnston Proposed
EXCLUSIVE: Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston Are Engaged!
EXCLUSIVE DETAILS! Bristol Palin's Sexy Music Video Debut!
WATCH! Bristol Palin make her acting debut
EXCLUSIVE: Bristol Palin Tells US: Why I Changed My Face
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Bristol Palin: 'I Want To Set A Good Example For All Moms'
Part 5- ¬_¬ ¬_¬
Part 1- Ingrown Cunt Hairs
Let's start with the lady that named herself after male genitalia-
 |
| TheBigNothing that you dedicated two days of your life to. Thanks! ^_^ |
 |
| Supporting someone "no matter what" is a great way to go through life. That's the kind of attitude that gives Palin supporters the "cult" stigma and Fwank Bailey an audience for his shitty book. |
Now let us examine some very un-judeo-christian like behavior-
 |
| :| what? |
 |
| My unborn children will hate me forever because I gave TheDC some BigNothing tweets? |
But what the fuck- I'll be staying at Harrah's Hotel Resort and Casino in Atlantic City this Saturday if anybody wants to take a shot at me. ;-)
Moving on-
 |
| Huh |
Good thing Jesus came to me in a dream and showed me how to use Google.
Part 2- This is Google's cache
Editors Note: Kelsey and
[No? There wasn't any "inception" a year ago. I don't know how many fucking times I have to say it, but I guess once more can't hurt- I was trolling whores on the Internet for fun. That's what I do when I'm bored. Some people choose to obsessively archive every picture ever taken of Sarah Palin, I choose to troll whores for giggles. I've noticed that "professional" political whores are the most fun because they take everything so gOd damn seriously. Did all you fuckers reading this right now miss the numerous pics/gifs of Spongebob Squarepants?]
Kelsey:
So, you might have heard that the Daily Caller decided to turn itself into TMZ and published private direct twitter messages from Palin aide Rebecca Mansour. We’ve known this was coming for some time.
Rebecca knew Toki in passing before she ever went to work for Governor Palin. Toki used to blog with Joey Russo before C4P even got started. (Actually, Toki claims Russo only posted once; it was mostly Toki’s website.) Contrary to what some gutter sites are saying, Toki was not a C4P contributor. He used to comment on the website when it first got started, but hasn’t been around much for the past couple of years.
Months ago I was tipped off that Toki had posted a teaser post on his blog with some of the tweets screencapped and lines blacked out. I took it to the C4P editors who asked me to find out what the guy was up to. Toki sent me tips from time to time about the Palin-haters latest scumbaggeries, so I had contact with him. I asked him what was up.
He told me that he was out to get a “vanity post.” He said he wasn’t selling the tweets; he wanted someone to make him an offer so he could post the offer on his blog. Didn’t make much sense to me, but he took down his teaser post and we figured it was a done deal, at least for the time being. The email he sent to Politico he also forwarded to me at the time and I believe that at the time it still fell under the “vanity post” motivation umbrella. He e-mailed several sites about it. We even tested him on the money part. Sheya offered him money for the messages and he turned it down.
Months after this initial episode, the Daily Caller was brought into it. Toki claims that he did not sell the tweets; he gave them to the DC because they were one of the less scummy sites. At least that’s what he said. His reason for finally just giving them away was probably because of Bristol’s latest reality show. If you read his site you’ll notice that he has a major problem with Bristol being in the spotlight. It’s become somewhat of an obsession and his motivation in releasing those tweets was to embarrass Bristol. He even told me that whatever would happen to Rebecca was just collateral damage.
Days passed and the DC didn’t publish the piece. We started to think they were going to cling to a shred of credibility by not acting like an immature gossip site. Guess not.
Jonathan Strong claims he published the piece because people want to know how Governor Palin works. Excuse me, these direct messages were not from Sarah Palin. They were the opinions of one of Palin’s aides trying to calm down someone who was freaking out [If by "freaking out" you mean "was so repulsed he felt like vomiting," then yeah, I was freaking out] because Bristol and Levi got back together. They were Rebecca’s opinions, it was a long time ago and a lot has happened since.
Rebecca approached the Governor before this story was published and told her everything. From the information we have, Governor Palin was understanding and forgiving [How sad for Sarah. If that really is the case then either Sarah's kindness is a weakness that will lead her to repeated ass fuckings back stabbings, or she really is the drooling incompetent that the meanie cable news anchors portrayed her as.] Obviously, the Governor herself knows what it’s like to be betrayed; for private communications to be published just so someone can make a quick buck or get some attention. In RAM’s case it was a lesson learned.
Sheya: [Sheya is a boring, anti-fun ass who doesn't now what she's talking about.]
Update: As C4p does not link to gossip sites, we have now removed the Daily Caller from our blogroll. [You do it all the time. Here's just one example- Boop]
---
Whatever. I'll just be the dick that sits in the back and says "I told ya' so" when Sarah wastes an ungodly amount of money on a failed presidential run. And when Brystal releases a sex tape. And when Piper develops a debilitating drug problem because of stupid shit like this. She's not seven years old anymore, assholes. She's going to be a teenager soon. If you insist on bringing her up in your weird wesbian wove twatter posts, please try to not treat her like a cwte wittle dumb puppy.
Random thought- If you have to make people sit though a two hour documentary film (don't call it a
Random Positive Outlook- Maybe after the documentary film was screened for her, Sarah had an epiphany and realized what a horrible dick she's been since resigning. Maybe she'll go back to the old Sarah. The one that didn't spout oversimplified rhetoric and dumb, repetitive catchphrases. Maybe everything is going to be better now!
Random Episode Of Reality Crashing In- Probably not :'(
Part 3- ¬_¬
 |
| But now it's back |
Part 4- A few of my favorite immature gossip sites
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: Bristol Palin: How Levi Johnston Proposed
EXCLUSIVE: Bristol Palin, Levi Johnston Are Engaged!
EXCLUSIVE DETAILS! Bristol Palin's Sexy Music Video Debut!
WATCH! Bristol Palin make her acting debut
EXCLUSIVE: Bristol Palin Tells US: Why I Changed My Face
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Bristol Palin: 'I Want To Set A Good Example For All Moms'
Part 5- ¬_¬ ¬_¬
 |
| But now it's gone again |
Willow Palin's Vehicular Rampage Caught On Tape
Willow Palin and her gang of drunken hooligans recently went on a "teenage angst" fueled rampage through a Yupik Eskimo shanty town. The shocking footage of the slaughter was caught on tape-
Sarah Palin issued a strong statement condemning the "lamestream" media for instigating this heinous atrocity.
 |
| the Police could hardly believe this Story |
Sarah Palin issued a strong statement condemning the "lamestream" media for instigating this heinous atrocity.
 |
| Poor Todd :'( |
The Five Deadly Venoms
 |
| Note of caution- The "plot" of this movie is extremely |
Prologue- Introducing the Venoms
 |
| So we start with an sick, decrepit, old man being boiled alive in a cauldron. Apparently this old man is the last master of the Poison Clan. His dying wish is for his last pupil to venture off to find his 5 other pupils and see what they're up to. He has a sneaking suspicion that the 5 are using there skills for evil. The master also wants his pupil to hunt down the OTHER master who retired :\ This other master has a hidden treasure and the dying master wants to see it donated to charity. Well this shouldn't be too hard, right? You'd be wrong in that assessment. The requirements for joining the poison clan are that you have to wear a mask the whole time, you aren't allowed to talk to classmates, and you have to change your name when you graduate. Guess this is going to be harder than you thought, Kid. Before setting off on his epic quest, the master gives him this last bit of information- #3 never met #1 or #2, #4 and #5 came after #3, #4 is older than #2 and #3, and finally #4 and #5 knew each other, but they never met the other 3. |
 |
| #1- The Centipede |
 |
| Thousand-Hand Plate Smashing technique |
 |
| #2- The Snake |
 |
| Awkwardly shimmying on your back = "Amazing speed and agility" |
 |
| #3- The Scorpion |
 |
| Centipede broke all the plates, so Scorpion had to use old ash trays. |
 |
| #4- The Lizard |
 |
| Need someone to put out those hard-to-reach candles? Call the lizard. |
 |
| #5- The Toad |
 |
| I guess Toads are really durable. I never knew that. Thanks Hong Kong B movies. ^_^ |
 |
Act I- Welcome to Murderville
 |
| Fast forward an untold amount of time and we find that the last pupil is living as a street urchin in some town. He seems to be eying that policeman. Hmmmm, maybe he suspects something.... |
 |
| He bumps into another policeman. Hmmmm, again. |
 |
| Something tells me that these guys are hiding venomous secrets. ¬_¬ I suck. |
 |
| What's this? A stranger steps out of a restaurant and throws a note at the second policeman. Hmmmm, the third |
 |
| Back at the station, the second policeman, we'll call him Leopold, opens the paper to reveal a detailed sketch of a toad. Alarmed by this discovery, Leopold eats the paper. <_< I hope the ancient Chinese had a cure for plumbism. |
 |
| Leopold's bizarre behavior has caught the attention of the first policeman. We'll call him Policeman. |
 |
| Leopold excuses himself and heads back to the restaurant. They talk about the treasure and the other members of the clan. What's strange about this is that Toad never says which poison Leopold is. It's pretty obvious which one he is since Toad only knew #4, but they don't specifically say that Leopold is Lizard until the last 40 minutes of the movie, and they treat the big reveal like it's some sort of shock which makes it even stranger. |
 |
| Who the fuck is this guy? Whoever he is, he's clearly loaded. He's got servants and sparkly silver robes. I'm jealous. |
 |
| So a centipede comes crashing though his window and he dismisses his slaves. He walks over to the window and |
 |
| Bah! This dude jumps into his house and they talk about finding the treasure. In case you couldn't figure it out the guy in red is the Centipede. He says that he knows where the retired master is hiding. |
 |
| Back at the police station we follow Policeman as we wanders aimlessly. He stumbles upon an old clerk filing away parking tickets. Cool. Then we follow the old man as he slowly makes his way back home. |
 |
| What the fuck is going on here!?! What are these bound women doing in that old guys house? He must be some kind of sick bondage freak... |
 |
| Or maybe not. Looks like Centipede and SilverRobes have have broken into his shack. How many people live in his hut? Anyway the old man opens his door and tries to fight off Centipede and Snake. How do I know that SilverRobes is the Snake? |
 |
| ¬_¬ Dumbass is wearing snake gauntlets. You know if you want people to know that you're the Snake, then maybe it's not such a good idea to walk around with snake jewelry. |
 |
| So they kick the shit out of the old man and murder everybody in the house. He refuses to give up the map, so they trash the place and beat him up some more. |
 |
| Just as the Centipede is peaking out for some reason a degenerate gambler walks by and sees his face. |
 |
| Horrified by what he has just witnessed the Gambler makes a quick exit. |
 |
| The master's last dying act is to grab the hollow candle that has the treasure map hidden inside of it. |
 |
| The last man on the scene is Scorpion. He silently sneaks into the shack of the dead |
 |
| And finds the map in three seconds. This is where Scorpion should have skipped town, but for some reason he stays just so he can fuck with everybody. |
Act II- Whodunit?
 |
| We return with the pupil talking to a shell shocked gambler. The gambler tells him that he saw the murderer. |
 |
| Meet the judge. He orders the police force to find the people responsible for the murders or they'll all be whipped. Whipping the police? Oh, ancient China.... |
 |
| Leopold goes and finds Toad. They talk about the murders and get all pissed off. Looks like they know that the old man had the treasure map. They start talking about what they're next plan of action is when Leopold gets up. He hears something... |
 |
| Hello, Mr.Eavesdropper. He tells Leopold about the gambler. |
 |
| Leopold finds the gambler and immediately starts water boarding him. As if we needed more proof of water boardings effectiveness, the gambler cracks in under a second and tells Leopold that he saw "a man with a beard." |
 |
| Apparently the Centipede is the only man in town with a bears because Leopold knows exactly who he's talking about. He goes to Snakes house (his only known associate) and bullshits with him while the other police try to capture Centipede. |
 |
| The police set up an elaborate trap to capture the Centipede. |
 |
| It doesn't go as planned. |
 |
| Good thing for them Toad is around to pick up their slack. Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Spinning!?! Dude, you don't spin in a fight. Everyone knows that. Now they're going to capture you. |
 |
| Awww, I told you. |
 |
| The pupil runs all the way to Snake's place to tell Leopold the good news. |
Act III- Law & Order: Ancient China
 |
| So Centipede is dragged before the court and asked if he killed the old man and his family. Centipede denies that he had anything to do with it. The judge is dissatisfied with his answer so he orders the Centipede to be tortured. Holy shit. Somebody call Eric Holder. |
 |
| Even after some ankle clamp torture the Centipede is defiant. |
 |
| Just as the judge is about to order a more serious torture, he notices something on his desk. How did that get there without him immediately noticing it? The judge orders a recess and storms off. |
 |
| Leopold is confused. |
 |
| Policeman is awkward. |
 |
| Centipede is laughing maniacally. |
 |
| Scorpion follows Centipede's example and bursts through Snake's window to offer some of his wisdom. |
 |
| Just as the Scorpion makes his exit the Judge arrives. |
 |
| They cut the bullshit short and get right to the bribes. |
 |
| The judge listens to the snake's fiendish plan. |
 |
| The first part of the plan- Send Leopold away on a meaningless task. |
 |
| The second part of the plan is to get the gambler to change his description to match the Toad. |
Act IV- It's Not Easy Being Green
 |
| So the police go and arrest Toad. Toad first resists, but calms down after Leopold assures him that everything will be fine because the Chinese court system is fair and just. LOL |
 |
| The gangs all here! |
 |
| Toad threatens the gambler with violence if he doesn't tell the truth. |
 |
| His threats don't work. |
 |
| Toad flies into a rage and he viciously assaulting the court officers. The Policeman is able to calm him down by saying some boring dialogue that I don't remember. |
 |
| Once Toad walks away-Snake and Judge get back to plotting his murder. |
 |
| Snake informs Judge that the toad will become vulnerable once the puncture a secret pressure point on his body. Once that point is pressed then Toad's toad strength will vanish. To make sure they find this pressure point, Snake suggests that they build an iron maiden. |
 |
| Where's that light coming from? |
 |
| Oh, shit. I think they slipped something in your drink, Toad. |
 |
| They carry his unconscious body over to the torture device. This is gonna be bad.... |
 |
| Oh! He was just faking. Now it's time for |
 |
| Fighting! (and the snake gauntlets give away his identity again) |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| What? Scorpion daggers! Toad's pressure point were in his ears the whole time. That's a pretty clever spot to hide them. The thing I don't understand though, is how did the Scorpion get daggers in both of his ears without anybody seeing him? Can he bend space and time around his body? Maybe.... |
 |
| The crippling blow. After this snake strike they put him in the iron maiden. |
 |
| Don't laugh at the special effects. I'd take this over the terrible CGI crap we have today. |
 |
| After that they decide to put him in "the iron coat" just for fun. |
 |
| Poor guy. |
 |
| That burn doesn't look so bad >_> |
 |
| Then they just sign the confession for him. |
 |
| Centipede lets out one last maniacal laugh as he's being released |
Act V- Cleaning Up Loose Ends
 |
| Even though they've completely destroyed this guy, they still decide to kill him. I bet this is the first time you've ever seen someone suffocated with paper. |
 |
| The gambler wisely decides to skip town. |
 |
| Too bad he's so slow. |
 |
| Meet the mini-sickle. Death on a small scale. |
 |
| He gets his throat slashed on the inside. |
 |
| Snake and Centipede then find the guy who murdered Toad walking down the street. Pretty convenient timing. |
 |
| Brain spike! |
 |
| Leopold returns after completing his and his shocked when the judge tells him to go fuck himself. |
 |
| Befuddled, he asks the Policeman what happened with the murder case. When he's told that the Centipede was set free and that the Toad is dead, he flies into a violent rage and declares that he administer some street justice. |
 |
| Right after he's done getting shit faced. |
 |
| This blatant act of public alcoholism fills one of the bribed officials with regret. He walks over to Leopold and spill the beans. |
 |
| The pupil then decides to finally come clean with his true identity. :\ Okay. |
 |
| Here we have one last scene between Snake and Scorpion. Snake's conscious is starting to bother him- "I wanted to learn a special kung fu. Be a real expert, but in actual fact I've just become a killer. Killing. That's all I know. Death. Everyday. Another." Then he asks Scorpion when the bloodshed will end. |
 |
| *EVIL Laugh* "Once an evil deed is done it never ends. It goes on and it will go on forever." <_< Why would you trust this guy? |
Act- VI- Final Fight
 |
| This is it. The grand finale. These hardened heroes are on a somber walk to Snake's home where they know they might meet their own painful deaths. |
 |
| Oh, yeah. Look who it is- The |
 |
| :o I want to be just like you, Snake. So our heroes just walk right into Snake's palatial estate and challenge him to a duel to the death. You know what that means, don't you? |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Still fighting? |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Standing! Standing? What the fuck, |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Poison Clan fighting! |
 |
| Why are you still standing around, |
 |
| So Snake escapes the arm grab of death once, but is immediately caught again. In a panic he calls out at Policeman to help him. What? Can it be? Is Policeman really the Scorpion? |
 |
| It's true! Finally he reveals himself! Do those scorpion shaped throwing daggers look familiar? Looks like our heroes are in real trouble now. |
 |
| Dude! You hit Snake! He's on your team! Maybe it was just an accident? |
 |
| Be sure to aim this time, you asshole! |
 |
| Dude! What the hell? He could have helped you kill the Lizard and boring guy. Aw, fuck it... |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Hey look, Snake is still alive. |
 |
| Fighting! |
 |
| Fighting in front of the stirring Snake! Maybe you should finish him off, Scorpion. I think he might be a little miffed at you over that whole "Watch me throw 4 daggers at you" thing. |
 |
| He's getting up! Really, Scropy, now might be a good time to turn your attention back on this guy. He doesn't look very happy about his current situation. |
 |
| Ouch. I tried to warn you, Dummy. Snake sneaks up on Scorpion and uses the dreaded intestine rip technique. |
 |
| Snake gets a steel-toed boot kick to the skull for his trouble. He dies full of regrets and misery. |
 |
| Scorpion flails around a bit while the heroes mock him from the walls before he collapses on the ground. |
 |
| He has a vision of his dear mother before his pagan Chinese soul is damned to hell for all eternity. Next it's Centipede's turn to die. Nothing too fancy for him. They just kick him in the head really hard. |
 |
| Fantastic death scene. |
 |
| So the survivors pick through Scorpions corpse and find the treasure map in his pocket. This, of course, begs the question as to why Scorpion even showed up at this fight in the first place. If he had the map this whole time why didn't he just leave town, find the treasure, and start a new life somewhere else? These super geniuses didn't even know who he was until he started throwing scorpion daggers at them. Who cares... |
 |
| No Shaw brothers movie would be complete without the classic "Flee the scene of the crime" ending. Snakes servants are in for one hell of a surprise when they get back from their lunch break. |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
