Bristol Palin- LOL I Wasn't Raped, I Just Agreed To Have Sex While Drunk And Unconscious

Let's start with someone who is not Bristol-

“Not Afraid of Life” is a candid, sometimes sad, often hilarious story. Once you start it you won’t be able to put it down. And the pictures are adorable. Tripp gets a mohawk and we finally get to see Track’s Statue of Liberty tat.

All she cares about is the pictures

Seeing has how Tripp has a fat baby/oldman face, I'm going to assume that he looks like a little baby douche bag with a mohawk. Everybody who isn't a Mohawk Indian looks like a douche bag with a mohawk. Especially blond crackers from Alaska.

Now let's move on to the main event-

"Isn't he so cute?" Sarah Palin's eldest daughter says softly before placing him in the middle of her suite's king-size bed. "He was so mad last night because SpongeBob wasn't on, and he was just screaming." She chuckles ruefully.

>_> It's a small world after all. And twenty bucks says that if you asked Bristol what the word "ruefully" means she would stare at you blankly for a few seconds before going off on a high pitched, rage fueled tirade about the lamestream medias and gotcha' questions. It's all learned behavior.

"I wanted to let readers know that I'm going to own up to my mistakes," says Palin, who in person is direct, thoughtful and confident.

Palin says she was so drunk she doesn't remember what happened, but Johnston confirmed her fears.

"I'm not accusing Levi of date rape by any means," she says. "I'm just honestly looking back on it with the eyes of an adult. That was five years ago, and I'm realizing that it was a dumb decision." Hoping to someday marry Johnston, she continued sleeping with him, she writes.

So she's either copping out on owning up to her mistakes by lying about being so drunk on wine coolers that she doesn't remember what happened, or Levi Johnston got her drunk/drugged on something and then proceeded to rape her.

When you get drunk to the point of blacking out, you aren't all giggles and good times. What you are is a stumbling, incoherent, uncoordinated mess. A mess that will most likely end up getting covered in vomit. When you're in that kind of condition, you can barely preform simple tasks like rolling over onto your stomach to avoid chocking on vomit. And you definitely can't make decisions for yourself. The perfect target for a rapist.

Bristol claims that she was so drunk that she doesn't remember what happened, so she's basing her story of what happened that night solely on the testimony of Levi Johnston. The same Levi Johnston that she later says needs to hire a screenwriter to help him write more lies. :\ Gee, I don't think he's very trustworthy source of information, Bristol. Are you sure you wanna take him on his word? I mean, he doesn't look like the kind of man to admit to date raping your motionless body. :\  

You took ecstasy and got raped, Bristol. Just admit it.

"I hate the word abstinence," she says. "My mom knows I hate that word, everyone knows I hate that word. People think that I'm just 'abstinence only, do not have sex.' No. If you're going to have sex, practice safe sex. But the best option to prevent teen pregnancy is to not have sex."

So she hates the word but not the act? Or she hates the word and the act but pretends to like it now that people are giving her money? How did we get back to abstinence is blue balls? I thought that was 2009 FoxNews interview Bristol- before she had a spiritual awakening aka mom chewing out her ass. She really needs a pay cut. I don't think young girls are going to get the message when the messenger is a high functioning special needs lady.

"I just wanted to note in the book that it's a huge example of how different our worlds were," Palin says. "Both of us have grown up with political parents — but I think hers defined her and mine didn't."

This is sad because I think Bristol actually believes what she's saying here. Without pro-life, common sense conservative icon Sarah Palin there is no Brystal: SuperStar. If Bristol Palin was Bristol Murkowski, no one would give a shit. All the mindless evangelicals that are going to scoop up this book just because they like her mom wouldn't give a shit. I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this because I wouldn't give a shit. The TV producers wouldn't be sending her offers because they wouldn't give a shit. The pro-life groups wouldn't be paying her thousands of dollars to give poorly executed speeches because they wouldn't give a shit.

She's just like the delusional retards on American Idol that Sarah wrote about in America By Heart.

But the camera and the blogosphere can be vicious. Palin recently underwent jaw reconstructive surgery, calling it "necessary for medical reasons." (Her face was in danger of swallowing itself.)

In person, a double take is required to first recognize her. The fullness of adolescence in her face is gone, leaving her with a much more angular look.

"Why do people care?" asks Palin. In the mirror, she says she can't tell much of a difference. "Do people care when someone gets braces or glasses? (Really?) Honestly, I'm just thankful I have tough skin to deal with that kind of stuff."

People care because they have to look at your new face and it's noticeably worse than the old one. And people also care because you lie and say it was "necessary for medical reasons" when you would have been just fine without it. Just say that you have incredibly low self-esteem and seeing how fat you were/are on TV made it worse, so you went out and got your turkey neck cut off and a new chin glued on.

It's downright nasty. I used to make fun of Levi Johnston's sister for having a man chin and now I can't do that anymore because Bristol's new chin out chins her chin. And of course people will now laugh at her forever and say stupid things like "Heh-Heh That new chin is a nice target for me to aim at after you bring me to orgasm by way of oral sex Heh-Heh".

"I think that there's some things that stay at the family dinner table," Palin says. "Do I want her to run? Absolutely. I think she'd be awesome for our country."

Fuck you.

Bristol knows that a Sarah Palin 2012 run is good for her career. That's all she cares about.

>_> What the fuck? Given some of the subject matter above, I don't know if this is the appropriate time to be doing that...